Dear Uncle Loquacious,

Mjit

Dear Mjit,

As someone who loves hearing about the sordid details of other people’s lives firsthand, I have trouble relating to your problem. In considering your situation, I’ve tried to place myself in the position of someone who is on the verge of being seriously ill. If someone wants to tell me a story with whips and chains in it, that’s all well and good. If the story has whips, chains and poultry, I’d like the option to pass.

The real problem is this: there are all sorts of people in the world, and no one method will work to make them shut up uniformly. Whereas some will catch a clue when given a strange look, others will need to be clubbed upside the head with a LART (that’s Loser Attitude Readjustment Tool, to the uninitiated) repeatedly before shutting their pie holes. The hard part is determining just how much resistance to register in order to stop the offender from bending your ear, or even turning it bright red.

I do get tediously bored myself by certain subjects. For such occasions, I have a blue t-shirt that reads “Cancel my subscription, I’m tired of your issues”. Oftentimes, just wearing that shirt is enough to keep people at bay. Sadly, I have only one and I can’t do laundry daily, so it’s not a permanent cure.

Here are some other things you can try:

1 - If the TMIer is whispering because s/he wants only you to hear, try repeating the last thing you were told extremely loudly and then breaking into fits of hysterical laughter. Hysterical laughter works wonders, especially when someone is bragging about past sexual exploits.

2 - Carry around a copy of The Watchtower and offer it to the unrepentant sinner wasting your time.

3 - Scream and run away. There’s a reason it’s a classic.

4 - Pull out your cell phone and start calling someone you do want to talk to. If the TMIer doesn’t get the hint, poke him in the eye with the antenna.

5 - Stockpile the stories and start publishing them on the Internet. It’s what I would do. For some reason, the Universe has you pegged as the mother confessor of sordid sex details. If it’s not for your own amusement and profit, well, what other reason could there be?

Good luck.

Love,
Uncle Loquacious

If you would like your dating or male/female interaction questions answered, please send an email to loquacious@loquaciouscurmudgeon.net with the word “Advice” in the subject.

Remember, I might make fun of you.

Really well more written and an easily understandable contribution. I look regularly here by and would like to leave here greetings from Germany!

“Cancel my subscription, I’m tired of your issues” hehehehe. I favour the repeat very loudly and laugh hysterically approach.

I loved the first method… I have done that numerous times and thankfully that person never has tried to tell me their story/problems again…

I always use the George Carlin (RIP) method to strangers… Just begin to walk away and hope they get the point lol

good read.

Hi All,
I too like the first method. Or the best way would be to just ignore the person and walk away.

I have some TMI for you at my blog. Who knows. You may learn something. I would love you to make fun of me. I am a total attention whore who needs validation. Appease a princess won’t you??

CP

With interest I pursue here those always well and understandable written contributions and would like here gladly a greeting from Bavaria in Germany to leave!

Good to read it. Thanks