If they ever make a musical out of the current Bob Allen scandal (and you know I hope they do, because I have a sickness in my heart), then I’d like to suggest the following lyrics:
To the tune of The Cult’s “Love Removal Machine”
Went to the bathroom
Not because he was there, oh no no
Stocky black man
He got me in fear, yeah yeah
I said, “do all those things that you do to me
You know what I mean
Do all those things that you do to me. yeah…”
Love removal (I’m not a) Love removal machine
Give it up, big fella (not a) love removal machine
Baby baby baby save me from the big black guy
Otherwise, I’ll blow his… mind…. oh yeah
Having trouble with his complexion
I might have to take a meat injection
Love removal (I’m not a) love removal machine
(Repeat chorus twice)
(BIG FINISH [or Happy Ending? You be the judge])
Look out here he comes
Look out here he comes
Look out here he comes
I didn’t mean it, baby!
Those blacks in the park seemed shady!
(I just wanted his thick man gravy!)
Baby!
DAAAAAAAA-yum
I love my fridge because it feeds me
When I’m hungry I take out a curry
I shop for fruit for lettuce and celery
And pastry chefs they give me a chubby
I don’t need anybody else
When I think about food I touch myself
Oo-oh-oh I don’t want anybody else
Oh no, oh no , oh no
A rising bun makes me come running
And tarragon, it smells just fine
When food’s around I’m always binging
I need to make it mine
I close my eyes and see Macaroni
Think I will die without rigatoni
I drool to see a plate of mashed potatoes
London Broil and stewed tomatoes
I don’t need anybody else
When I think about food I touch myself
Oooh I don’t need anybody else
Oh no, oh no, oh no
I want stew, don’t need anybody else
When I think about food I touch myself
Oooh, ooh, oh oh AAAGGGGGHHHH!
I don’t need anybody else When I think about food
I touch myself Oo-oh-oh I don’t need anybody else
Oh no, oh no oh no.
Distilled water conducts no charge.
But H2O on tap: the charge can be large.
It’s salts dissolved in the water
That leave electrons free to transfer.
Isn’t it ionic….don’t you think?
(chorus)
It’s a halogen plus an electron
Or a alkalide that’s missing one
The charges are out of balance
Who would have thought? … A chemist.
(more…)
Well life in the city isn’t very laid back
Ain’t much an urban boy like me can’t hack
Took a while to get used to, but I think I’ve got the knack
Thank God I’m a city boy.
A simple kinda life may not do you no harm
But my leather pants don’t go over well on the farm
Sure, the alley smells like urine, but that’s part of the charm
Thank God I’m a city boy.
(more…)
I have often walked down your street before
But since you moved I can’t help sliding past your door
All at once am I gliding right on by
On the frictionless street where you live
Are there massless strings in your part of town?
And what other laws of physics seem to just break down?
The mu k of your borough, is a big zero
On the frictionless street where you live
(more…)
